Broken hearts
Jun. 17th, 2007 01:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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the_other_rockIt was late, so late that all the houses were dark. Atin looked over his shoulder in time to see Ro switch off her lights as well.
"Come on." He gave Aoife a tug, trying to get her on her feet.
"I'm still not sure that's something people are supposed to drink," she muttered, trying hard but failing to get her feet under her.
"It didn't affect me." The scarred clone frowned and lifted her, but she still couldn't get her legs to obey her.
"You're bigger than me..." she muttered, intent on her feet.
Atin sighed and just threw her over his shoulder, then turned homeward.
"I'm going to beat the snot out of you," promised Aoife quietly, then passed out.
Vanya was sitting out on the edge of the deck, and she saw the two drunk clones returning from their dinner date.
"Well, well, you both look smashing," she said. "Or smashed."
Atin frowned up at her, not understanding the colloquialism in his slightly brain fogged state. "We're not injured."
She smirked and hopped off the deck, landing smartly in front of them, her red coat settling nicely about her. "That's not what I said. You look well and thoroughly drunk."
"Oh." He actually grinned; an impudent and slightly merry little quirk of the mouth and eyes. "Yeah, that we are. Ro had some good stuff."
"That's one thing about this island," Vanya said, her smirk not wavering. "The humans here know how to drink." She looked at Aoife, concern flashing in her eyes. "Is she going to be alright?"
"I think so." He poked his insensate sister thoughtfully, remembering other times she'd been hauled back to the B 'n B like a piece of luggage. "She didn't have very much. The Screech seems to knock her over."
"If she's to live here," Vanya said, tilting her head slightly, "she's going to have to get over that." She held out her arms. "Would you like me to move her upstairs for you?"
"I have her." He shrugged and started toward the stairs, glancing up toward the roof as he did so. "The funny part? She'll be able to relate everything we say word for word when she wakes up."
"Is that a good or bad thing?" Vanya tailed him discreetly, enjoying the conversation. "I could understand how it could prove embarrassing should you say something incriminating..." She laughed, more to herself than to anyone else.
"I guess it was useful in the army." He gained the living room and dropped his sister gently on the couch, then pulled off her boots and headed back outside. Right now walls made him feel restless.
Vanya lingered by the doorway, smiling over at him as he came back out. "Not tired?"
"No." He leaned on the railing and frowned out toward the partially-mended ferry dock, absently running a hand over his close-cropped curls. "What about you? It's late."
"I'm nocturnal," Vanya said with a shrug. "I did most of my sleeping this morning."
"Ah." He watched something glimmer by the surviving ferry, his mind weebling around merrily and trying to find a topic to think on.
"I heard they'll be ready to go in another two weeks," Vanya said, wondering why she brought that particular subject up.
She was making small talk, she realized with derision.
"Jav says he's quitting." His voice held his incomprehension of the concept. True, he'd quit the GAR, but it hadn't just been sending in a letter and everyone was happy.
She started and looked at him with surprise. "Really?"
Whatever she thought of Jav, it wasn't that he was a quitter.
Atin nodded and clasped his hands, elbows leaning on the railing. "He says that Vic needs him more than the Caribou does." Personally, he thought that his brother was afraid that the big man would slip away while he was gone. And it wouldn't surprise him. Vic seemed to have let go somehow, and it seemed as though the only thing giving him strength to keep living was the concern of those around him. His confusion and sad resignation were hard for Atin to see.
"It's the same for me." Vanya nodded. "You're the only reason I'm staying around." She smiled and likewise leaned over the railing, turning her head slightly to look at him. This one was a mystery - not easy to read like his brothers.
"What? Why me?" He frowned at her.
Her eyes went wide. "I didn't - oh - I meant all of you." She coughed and looked away, hoping beyond hope that he didn't see her blushing. "Since I quit my job...."
"Right." Atin cleared his throat and turned his own reddening face back toward the ferries. It seemed that he was drunker than he'd thought.
"Anyway..." Vanya chuckled slightly. "So do you think you're going to stay here?"
"Where else would I go? There isn't anymore room in the Buick." The glimmer came again and he frowned at it watchfully.
"Oh," Vanya said. "Well, I'm glad you're staying." She gasped as though shocked at what she'd said and clamped her mouth shut, staring resolutely forward.
Atin frowned at her. "What's wrong?"
Vanya cleared her throat again. "Nothing."
His frown intensified as he read her body language. "That doesn't look like nothing."
She took a step to the side. "It - I'm just being stupid."
"Stupid how?" He turned to look at her fully, still frowning as his eyes took in what she was saying. Then he blinked and looked a little surprised.
"I shouldn't even be -" She felt flustered, smothered, like she was trapped in something she didn't like. It was too early for this. Way too early. "I mean, I -"
She wrapped her coat around herself and turned away from him.
"Come on." He gave Aoife a tug, trying to get her on her feet.
"I'm still not sure that's something people are supposed to drink," she muttered, trying hard but failing to get her feet under her.
"It didn't affect me." The scarred clone frowned and lifted her, but she still couldn't get her legs to obey her.
"You're bigger than me..." she muttered, intent on her feet.
Atin sighed and just threw her over his shoulder, then turned homeward.
"I'm going to beat the snot out of you," promised Aoife quietly, then passed out.
Vanya was sitting out on the edge of the deck, and she saw the two drunk clones returning from their dinner date.
"Well, well, you both look smashing," she said. "Or smashed."
Atin frowned up at her, not understanding the colloquialism in his slightly brain fogged state. "We're not injured."
She smirked and hopped off the deck, landing smartly in front of them, her red coat settling nicely about her. "That's not what I said. You look well and thoroughly drunk."
"Oh." He actually grinned; an impudent and slightly merry little quirk of the mouth and eyes. "Yeah, that we are. Ro had some good stuff."
"That's one thing about this island," Vanya said, her smirk not wavering. "The humans here know how to drink." She looked at Aoife, concern flashing in her eyes. "Is she going to be alright?"
"I think so." He poked his insensate sister thoughtfully, remembering other times she'd been hauled back to the B 'n B like a piece of luggage. "She didn't have very much. The Screech seems to knock her over."
"If she's to live here," Vanya said, tilting her head slightly, "she's going to have to get over that." She held out her arms. "Would you like me to move her upstairs for you?"
"I have her." He shrugged and started toward the stairs, glancing up toward the roof as he did so. "The funny part? She'll be able to relate everything we say word for word when she wakes up."
"Is that a good or bad thing?" Vanya tailed him discreetly, enjoying the conversation. "I could understand how it could prove embarrassing should you say something incriminating..." She laughed, more to herself than to anyone else.
"I guess it was useful in the army." He gained the living room and dropped his sister gently on the couch, then pulled off her boots and headed back outside. Right now walls made him feel restless.
Vanya lingered by the doorway, smiling over at him as he came back out. "Not tired?"
"No." He leaned on the railing and frowned out toward the partially-mended ferry dock, absently running a hand over his close-cropped curls. "What about you? It's late."
"I'm nocturnal," Vanya said with a shrug. "I did most of my sleeping this morning."
"Ah." He watched something glimmer by the surviving ferry, his mind weebling around merrily and trying to find a topic to think on.
"I heard they'll be ready to go in another two weeks," Vanya said, wondering why she brought that particular subject up.
She was making small talk, she realized with derision.
"Jav says he's quitting." His voice held his incomprehension of the concept. True, he'd quit the GAR, but it hadn't just been sending in a letter and everyone was happy.
She started and looked at him with surprise. "Really?"
Whatever she thought of Jav, it wasn't that he was a quitter.
Atin nodded and clasped his hands, elbows leaning on the railing. "He says that Vic needs him more than the Caribou does." Personally, he thought that his brother was afraid that the big man would slip away while he was gone. And it wouldn't surprise him. Vic seemed to have let go somehow, and it seemed as though the only thing giving him strength to keep living was the concern of those around him. His confusion and sad resignation were hard for Atin to see.
"It's the same for me." Vanya nodded. "You're the only reason I'm staying around." She smiled and likewise leaned over the railing, turning her head slightly to look at him. This one was a mystery - not easy to read like his brothers.
"What? Why me?" He frowned at her.
Her eyes went wide. "I didn't - oh - I meant all of you." She coughed and looked away, hoping beyond hope that he didn't see her blushing. "Since I quit my job...."
"Right." Atin cleared his throat and turned his own reddening face back toward the ferries. It seemed that he was drunker than he'd thought.
"Anyway..." Vanya chuckled slightly. "So do you think you're going to stay here?"
"Where else would I go? There isn't anymore room in the Buick." The glimmer came again and he frowned at it watchfully.
"Oh," Vanya said. "Well, I'm glad you're staying." She gasped as though shocked at what she'd said and clamped her mouth shut, staring resolutely forward.
Atin frowned at her. "What's wrong?"
Vanya cleared her throat again. "Nothing."
His frown intensified as he read her body language. "That doesn't look like nothing."
She took a step to the side. "It - I'm just being stupid."
"Stupid how?" He turned to look at her fully, still frowning as his eyes took in what she was saying. Then he blinked and looked a little surprised.
"I shouldn't even be -" She felt flustered, smothered, like she was trapped in something she didn't like. It was too early for this. Way too early. "I mean, I -"
She wrapped her coat around herself and turned away from him.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-17 09:33 pm (UTC)"It's not your fault," she said, her voice quiet. "I'm just - I mean, I'm still trying to forget about -"
She wasn't even sure if what she was feeling was something genuine or just a rebound reflex since Daniel had vanished off the face of the earth. And she didn't want to bother Atin with her problems.
"Well, he left." Vanya stepped up to the railing again, her head bowed.
"Laseema died." He looked toward the ferry, eyes unseeing.
"Oh." Vanya's head hung lower. "I'm... I'm sorry." She reached out and put her hand over his, still not brave enough to meet his face.
He tried to think of something to say, but then seized her hand with what would have been crushing force as he suddenly flashed back to the day he'd learned of what Vau had done to the woman he'd been starting to think he loved. Shaking, he forced his thoughts away from it, doggedly clinging to hand and railing.
She lifted her head slightly and looked at him, picking up on his thoughts without really meaning to. "Who was he?"
"Walin Vau." His voice shook. "My training Sergent."
"But isn't he... like family?" She frowned slightly.
"No." The word was low and intense as his mind stubbornly fought to return to the topic it had started on. "No!"
"Oh." She frowned. "I'm sorry. I assumed it was like that for all of you, given how Sal and the others get on...."
He shook his head and leaned on the railing, fighting back the urge to be sick. "No. They were something different. Even some of the normal guys were curious about them."
She didn't even notice that she had stepped forward so that her shoulder touched his. She just looked over at him. "What do you mean?"
His hand slipped away from hers and joined the other in clinging to the railing as his head hung. "Look at how they are. That wasn't normal."
Vanya brought her hand to her chest and made a fist, then rested it on the railing too. "They seem pretty normal to me. You're going to have to explain this to me."
In halting words he described life for most of the GAR, and even for his squads. He spoke of his lost brothers, and even of the stories he'd heard of Ven and Sadri after Order 66. By the time he'd finished he was nearly leaning against her in his effort to stay upright.
She smiled sadly when he was finished, and put an arm around his shoulders to keep him steady. "I see. Well, you are in a different place now; you don't have to hold to those old ideals. You can be like that now..."
"But she's gone." His voice was empty. "Because of me, she's gone. And..." He shook his head, feeling overwhelmed. "I try to be like them, to be one of them. But I can't. Their squad is whole."
"Trust me when I say I understand. What it's like to watch people doing what they do... and feeling like you want to be part of it, but can't." Her red eyes focused back on him. "But what did you do? I doubt any of it was your fault."
"I crossed him." He grimaced and leaned over the railing, hoping that there wasn't anything important down there.
"Still... he must have been a rotten excuse for a human being if he'd do something... like that." Her hand rested on his shoulder still. "And you... didn't deserve it."
Atin wiped his mouth on his sleeve, still feeling sick. Then he turned toward her and wrapped his arms around her, blindly seeking comfort.
She went rigid, not sure how to react to this. It didn't make sense. She was caught between wanting to stay and wanting to run away from him. "I-"
no subject
Date: 2007-06-17 10:53 pm (UTC)"What?" Her voice was equally as quiet.
"Don't... please. I'm sorry." He hid his face on her shoulder and wept.
She was monumentally confused. "About what?"
The tightening of his arms was all the reply that he could make.
-Vanya?- came a soft question from the roof.
-We're fine.- She returned Atin's embrace gently, wondering what, if anything, she should say.
Hunter gave a wordless acknowledgment and withdrew.
Atin wept for what seemed to him like a long time, but finally managed to get under control. He thought to himself that he should let go of Vanya, but the thought of leaving the shelter of her arms repelled him. And... she liked him? Him The damaged one. The one that didn't get the jokes. The one that went into battle mode when Leeroy dropped a bowl in the kitchen.
She didn't know what to think. What to say. Just that this felt right; more right than Daniel had felt. There was no complication, nobody getting in the way. She liked him and he... well, he wasn't proving her wrong. She understood him. She'd been watching him in one way or another since he got here.
He was different, and so was she.
"I... don't want to let go." His voice was a whisper.
She sighed. "You don't have to."
He pulled back slightly, dark eyes scanning her face in the low light. She could feel his unspoken questions and the almost childlike longing to be loved.
And she was trembling slightly - she had no answers for him. She was terrible at all of this falling in love business. "...What?" she managed to eke out.
"You don't want me to let go?"
She shook her head mutely, staring into his eyes, half convinced that if he did he'd disappear. Just like Daniel had.
Atin saw that and felt his throat choke up. -How can I show her I'm not going to go away?-
His mind flashed back to the day he'd learned about the Mandalorian wedding customs, and before he could think twice he'd spoken.
"Mhi solus tomoe. Mhi solus dhar'tome. Mhi me'dinui an. Mhi ba'juri verde. (We are one together. We are one when parted. We share all. We will raise warriors.)"
The meaning was clear at the front of his mind, and in his eyes.
Vanya blinked. "You want... what?" This was confusing. This was insane. This was... exactly what she wanted. He wouldn't leave.
"Be my wife." He swallowed.
It was like the earth fell right out from under her. She forced herself to think rationally about this. Vanya was always a rational person. She knew what she wanted but she had to think about what was right.
"But..." She shivered. "Don't you think it's too... soon?" It was writ in her eyes that yes, she wanted to be with him. Still, old habits die hard and she had to ask.
"No." His arms tightened, unconsciously reassuring.
She smiled slightly, lifting a hand to touch the scar on his face. "Okay, then," she whispered. "I will be your wife."
There were a thousand details she needed to work out, but they could be dealt with later. The idea of this made her deliriously happy. There was no compromise. Nobody needed to lie or put up a fight. It was just them.
He shivered at her fingers on the scar, then bit his lip and pulled her close, wishing that he hadn't just thrown up. "Mhi solus."
She picked up on the thought and laughed softly. "Did you want to go inside?"
"I don't want to give you a barf kiss," he said sheepishly.
She smiled widely, showing off all her teeth.
"I know," she said. "You could go in there and... well... brush your teeth?"
He nodded and let go of her reluctantly, then shot a sharp glance upward. "There's more than one person up there."
She looked as well. "Yes," she said calmly.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-17 11:20 pm (UTC)She leaned on the wall not too far from the bathroom door, calmly waiting for him, thinking about how she was feeling. Part of her hoped this wasn't a rash, drunken decision. Part of her didn't really care.
His eyes were watering when he came back out and he was wondering how the heck Jav could use that stuff. -The secret to white teeth is taking off a layer of enamel??-
She laughed. -He's also insane, don't forget. So....-
He started and looked at her with wide eyes, shock written large on his face. Then one brow arched slightly as he imagined a replay of the nosedive down the manhole that Leeroy had done that day in pursuit of his keys.
"Sorry," she said. "I'm not used to -" Then she bit her lip and chuckled slightly. "A stick and chewing gum would have worked too."
"That would mean him thinking first." Atin's mouth twitched at the corners.
Vanya smirked again. -We didn't exactly think too hard about this,- she said, reasonably amused.
That impudent grin returned, suggesting that he was still rather screeched. "Nope. So... you still want that...."
"Of course."
He stepped forward and pulled her close.
"Awhoops." Jav turned and went back into Vic's room.
Atin ignored him and concentrated on the task at hand.
Her eyes slid to the side, watching the intruder, and then flicked back to her... husband (she wasn't sure if she'd ever really use that word; it seemed too foreign).
This was taking way too long. She touched his face again and leaned forward, breaching the gap between their lips.
He sighed at the kiss, feeling himself relax. It was as if he'd come home; he belonged somewhere now, he was wanted and needed.
Tears spilled over unnoticed.
Suddenly she tilted her head back, breaking away. "You okay?"
He nodded and gave her a hopeful look. "You already slept but...."
He felt suddenly like he'd been stomped by a bantha.
"It's alright," she said with a smile. "You can sleep." She would too; eventually. Maybe having him in her life would readjust her circadian rhythms to something more normal. "And I'll be there."
Atin sighed, then glanced toward where he'd seen his brother before leading his wife to bed and hugging her close as he crashed.