Thinking ((the evening of the last thread))

[i_salted_dean]

Sam settled back in the lawn chair that she'd hauled out into the far corner of the front lawn, her eyes resting absently on the comings and goings of a town that was slowly but surely getting its feet back under it. One foot went up onto a chair arm as she tilted to one side and wriggled her bum till she was comfortable.

Her face was calm and maybe just a little sad, but her dark eyes were mostly peaceful as she talked to God about what she saw and what she'd been dreaming. Her hands absently fiddled with a silver bullet that had come out of the molds flawed one day when she was young and that she'd managed to haul around ever since. It was scratched and dented and dinged, and bore marks of melting and discoloration, but over the years her fingers had rubbed it to a sheen over most of its surface.

Comments

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

Vanya dragged over another lawn chair and sat down heavily in it, placing her chunky platform boots on a log nearby and undoing the multitude of buckles that kept the shoes on her feet. With a shake, the boots clunked to the ground and she wiggled her toes appreciatively.

Then she pulled out each of her guns and took out their magazines, picking the bullets out one by one before reassembling them.

Only thereafter did she choose to speak.

"I quit today," she said quietly.

[i_salted_dean]

"Wonder if that was the reason for the wank-fest I felt earlier." Sam stirred slightly and tapped the bullet on the arm of her chair, her eyes still tracing the comings and goings of the town as she added Vanya to the prayer list. "Are you going to be okay?"

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

She chuckled slightly, raising her wrist to survey her rosary. "They're going to pursue the charges," she said, watching the glass beads get knocked around on the wind and tinkle gently. "And they wanted to arrest me, but then I reminded them who... what it is that I am. They threatened me, and I was going to rip their throats out and have a real meal for a change, but I quit instead."

Vanya turned slightly and looked at Sam, an engimatic half-smile on her face as she appreciated the irony of the situation. "I hope wherever Sal is, she's going to be there for a very long time."

[i_salted_dean]

"Eww," she commented, though there was slight humor in the sound. Then she glanced at her friend and sighed. "Not long enough. But long enough to heal, I think."

One hand raked through her hair, which was already standing up in places. "I think I'm going to have to start laying low. Staying out of sight."

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

"They're not after you," she said simply. "Just your dad. And Sal. I heard your father turned himself in. The Council's holding him until they can find Sal. They asked me where she was... I told them where they could put it."

She shook her head. "See - the battle is over but we've still got some struggles ahead. I think someone at the Council is up to no good."

[i_salted_dean]

"Yeah, he did." Sam sighed. "I've got the same tendency to hit back and ask questions later. It's all that's kept us alive a few times. No excuse. But it makes me think that if people are trying to take matters into their own hands I shouldn't be out where they can aim at me."

Then she frowned and shook her head. "If they are I'm not getting anything." A shrug. "But I'm too busy dreaming about a kid that can't happen now."

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

Vanya's eyes drifted back to her rosary and she grinned. "Well, anything can happen," she said softly. "Anyway, I'm trying to think of where else I can go now that I've been well and thoroughly displaced."

[i_salted_dean]

"You do realize there's people here that are kinda attached to you?" Sam looked at her sideways, carefully not looking at the roof as the question reminded her of what was usually sitting on it.

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

She shook her head. "People come and go," she said. "I consider myself lucky if I can choose to leave first."

[i_salted_dean]

Sam frowned at her. "So that's it? You were just in it for the mayhem?"

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

"That is not what I meant."

Vanya didn't make eye contact, but continued speaking. "When you live - and I'm not even sure if what I do is live - for five centuries, you see a lot of people die. It makes you... detach."

She gripped the cross of her rosary tightly. "And the moment you decide to let someone in they go away, and you suffer. I'm rather tired of an existence like that. I find love, it goes. I find friends, they die or get arrested and possibly killed. I'm just tired, Sam. I don't get to lay my head down and die like the rest of you."

[i_salted_dean]

Sam bowed her head and thought about that, clearing her throat to get rid of a choke as she prayed for the right words.

"Did you know I've been brought back twice?" she said quietly, though she didn't see how the words had any bearing on the conversation. "The second time I knew I was going, and I'd just lost my brother. My dad... I thought he was gone too. So I detached."

She took a deep breath. "Since then I've found out that it's better to let people in, because if you don't then you are dead. Yeah, it hurts like a @#$%&%$#@ when they go, but you can remember them. And I know that nothing lasts forever. Even immortals die and will see the face of God. It says everyone's going to stand in front of the Throne."

Her cheeks reddened and she fidgeted and looked away. "Sorry. I must be tireder than I thought."

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

"That's okay," Vanya said, nodding deferentially to the other woman. "I can respect your perspective well enough. Still, I do find myself in a worrisome situation. They didn't exactly tell me to pack my bags and get the @#$# out, but you know that's what they're thinking."

She shifted slightly. "Further to that, why does everyone seem keen on putting me and the lizard together?" She laughed. "It used to be that I could politely decline on the grounds of being in a relationship, but..."

No, she wasn't going to talk about this.

"Anyway. I'm not going anywhere yet, I don't think. Just... expect it. Eventually."

[i_salted_dean]

"Sucks to be them." Sam stuck out her chin, then tapped her bullet on the chair arm and shrugged one shoulder as the anger faded from her face again. "Are they?"

She heard the bit about the relationship, and saw the other woman's feelings faintly through her body language, but refrained from commenting. She'd had one end, the hard way. Vanya followed the same line of work that she did, and if that guy had died she didn't want to be digging up hurts by asking for details.

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

"I think so. Everyone makes such a big deal about him and me all the time. I don't know why. There's nothing there."

She paused.

"He's just gone," she said after awhile, speaking finally about the person she'd refused to speak of for what seemed like forever. "He and I - his brother didn't - so we paused for a little bit. But in the back of my mind I could always hear him. Lately it's been silent. He's gone."

She scowled and slouched back in her chair. "I guess it's what I get."

[i_salted_dean]

"They did the same thing with Vic and Jeimu, even after she was married," said Sam softly, her mind going to her father's mention of an emo brat of a Sam who threw a fit at his brother over a girl. She bit her lip and looked away, not wanting Vanya to see the guilt on her face. "That sucks."

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," she said. "I'll survive."

[i_salted_dean]

"The first guy I ever loved was taken away, too." The bullet got tapped against her lips. "I was going to go down alone till some dumb clone got other ideas."

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

Vanya laughed only half-heartedly. "I think that might be the route for me," she said. "Being alone, or, at least being without some kind of romantic entanglement. Either way I -"

She was interrupted by a large thud and some swearing in a foreign language.

[i_salted_dean]

"Hey, Sadri." Sam looked over her shoulder, showing no sign of getting up or offering assistance. She knew what she thought of fussing, and the tall blond had more temper even than her. Or she did right now.

[sadri.livejournal.com]

She managed to find and drag a third lawn chair to where the other two women were sitting, then hoisted herself up into it. "Hey. It's getting too crazy in there, and Shae conked out for the night... What are you guys up to?"

[i_salted_dean]

"Talking." Sam offered her slight smile, thinking that now she knew why Hunter kept cocking his head and looking down at the house bemusedly. "How's Vic?"

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

Vanya turned and smiled at Sadri. "Evening."

[sadri.livejournal.com]

The smile was returned, with a little more green-eyed sparkle than there had been for the past little while.

"He's alive," Sadri said with a shrug. "I talked to his doctor and managed to convince them that there was a paperwork mishap and that Vic had legally been discharged." She tapped her forehead. "You know, Jedi Mind Tricks and all. Jav'll have to sign the new papers tomorrow, but we got ourself out of that spot."

[i_salted_dean]

"Sweet." Sam chuckled, her expression lightening a bit more at the look on Sadri's. "Why did you guys bail, anyway?"

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

Vanya turned her eyes on the Jedi again, nodding.

It had been a mystery; nobody had understood why Vic, who had been comatose at best and clinically dead at worst, was now home from the hospital that was keeping him alive.

"Did they even figure out what had happened?"

[sadri.livejournal.com]

"He woke up. He wanted to come home so we did. And no, they don't know what exactly caused it. Even a shove back like that should have only concussed him a bit, maybe break a rib or two. Not have you on life support. There had to have been something else that we didn't see at work."

She rubbed her thighs suddenly as her legs started to twitch. "Just like I was more than electrocuted."

[i_salted_dean]

"Heartbreak?" wondered Sam, thinking of the rapport she'd seen between the big mutant and his tiny friend. "But that wouldn't explain you."

Then she looked at Sadri. "Are they hurting?"

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps," Vanya murmured, then went back to thinking.

It could have been physical. I've seen telekinetics do amazing things...

[sadri.livejournal.com]

Sadri looked back at Sam. "They never really stopped," she said with a shrug. "But I'll live. So long as I can stand up I'm convinced they'll right themselves and I'll walk."

She grinned. "Wonder what Sal and Billy and the rest of them are getting up to?"

[i_salted_dean]

"Want me to try with the hands thing?" Sam quirked an eyebrow, then chuckled despite herself. "Running around on alien worlds and doing stuffs that would make nerds and geeks everywhere eat their hearts out."

[sadri.livejournal.com]

"Sure," Sadri said. "Go ahead and give it a whirl."

[i_salted_dean]

Sam unfolded herself from the chair and stood, glancing at Vanya as she moved over to Sadri and went to one knee to put her hands on the blond woman's legs. She quirked a slight grin as she felt the Spirit moving, but couldn't tell if He was saying yes, no, or just 'hi'.

"Okay, God. I'm doing like You said." -Heal her, please?-

[sadri.livejournal.com]

She closed her eyes and felt something - it wasn't cold and it wasn't hot, it was just there - pushing against her legs.

And then it was gone.

Sadri's eyes slid open and she matched Sam's grin. "I don't think it's time yet," she said softly.

[i_salted_dean]

"No." She wiped at her eyes and sat back on her heels. "No. That was 'I know. I see. Be good.'"

Then she turned to look at Vanya and held out one hand, feeling the invisible wind blow toward her friend.

[vanya-a.livejournal.com]

Vanya blinked, jumping slightly as though someone had scared her. What she felt was the same as always.

"What?"

[i_salted_dean]

"Dunno." Still grinning slightly, she tested the grass and then plunked her butt down on it and looked at the others.

[sadri.livejournal.com]

Sadri smiled. "I've run out of things to talk about," she admitted.

[i_salted_dean]

"I tried that pinching the back of the neck thing on Leeroy."

[sadri.livejournal.com]

"Did he squeal like a girl?"

Sadri heard Vanya snigger.

[i_salted_dean]

"Not quite, but he accidentally kicked me right out of bed...." Sam settled down for a gab session, never realizing that she had unraveled the mysterious and frightening 'girl talk'.

[sadri.livejournal.com]

Sadri bit on her finger to keep from laughing too loudly. "Can't say that's ever happened to me."

The day died all around them but they stayed up well after it got dark, talking about each other, their relationships, and whatever else tickled their fancy.